Christmas is not all that Merry at the Playa
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: The cast is spending Christmas on the Playa. Normally Christmas would be the most wonderful time of the year for many people worldwide. However, for the cast of Total Drama this may very well be the least wonderful time of the year.
1. Christmas Tree O' Christmas Tree!

**I know **_**All Stars**_** has reached its finale. But I thought: fuck it, let's just act as if **_**All Stars**_** has yet to happen. The reason for this is because this story is set on the Playa, which was destroyed along with Wawanakwa in the finale. It sucks. Besides, I kinda want to act as if Scourtney never happened. It was an awful pairing and it was 100% pointless in every regard. Everything will continue on from the ending of ROTI and Chris got bailed out of jail before Christmas by Courtney's lawyers.**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned **_**Total Drama**_**, the ending for **_**All Stars**_** wouldn't have sucked.**

**This fic contains some of the usual OOC-ness I provide some of the characters with in my other fics. Enjoy!**

* * *

The contestants were still living at the Playa because the contracts turned out to be adoption papers (the parents of the contestants thought these papers had to do with fostering instead). Anyway, the contestants were having their second Christmas at the Playa (first Christmas for Alejandro, Sierra and the ROTI cast). It was late November and the tree was being put up in the lobby.

It was an actual tree as well. Chef ran into the woods in Wawanakwa one night and cut down a tree. He brought five interns with him and the tree landed on four of them. The remaining intern had to carry the tree all the way back to the Playa while Chef was riding on it. Additionally, the tree did not need to be cut down, while several other trees did. Dawn noticed this and gave out to Chef. But when Chef shoved her away, Dawn kicked him in the balls and stomped off in a sulk.

However, like every other contestant, Dawn was forced to trim the tree on the pain of being forced to write five JustHer stories and publish them on both DeviantArt and FanFictionNet. Heather was relieved that Dawn decided to help with the decorations but Justin was annoyed. Anyway, the first task for the contestants to find and grab the boxes of ornaments and garlands etc. Sadly, a row over who should be the leader was getting in the way.

"I should be the leader since I am a CIT!" Courtney snapped at Noah.

"Yeah, a CIT at a SUMMER CAMP!" Noah snapped back. "Just because you have been a councillor-in-training does not mean you are the god of trimming the tree."

"Well what do you know about Christmas?" Courtney glared. "You are a Muslim."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Harold interjected. "Christmas is not a Christian holiday! It has emerged from a pagan festival and Jesus Christ was born in July! The only reason idiotic Christians celebrate Christmas in December is so that the holiday can coincide with Hanukkah! Curse your ignorance of the origins of the holiday season! IDIOT!"

"Harold, nobody knows when Jesus was born," Bridgette pointed out. "The date for Christmas Day had to be somewhere in the calendar though and they thought the 25th of December was appropriate."

"**I** know when Jesus was born, even right down to the second he was born!" Harold snapped at Bridgette, offended by what she said. "I also know Jesus's blood type, genetic code, iris colour, height and weight when he was an organism from 0 to 32 CE."

"Yeah, that was centuries ago Harold; you weren't around that time," Noah deadpanned.

"Will somebody please change the subject before Harold decides to tell us how he claims to have figured Jesus's personal details?" Gwen groaned.

"Well seen as that all of you are idiots you probably wouldn't understand," Harold glared.

"ENOUGH!" Courtney shouted. "Let's just get the boxes with the decorations in them. We need to make it snappy because Chris said we can't do anything else until we have the tree decorated."

Scott was outraged. "Who made you the boss?!" he snarled.

Courtney stood firm before an angry Scott. "Somebody has to take charge." Scott stretched his foot out and kicked her.

"OW! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!" Courtney shrieked. She pounced on Scott and proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

"Right, let's just quietly head to the basement and go get the boxes," said Zoey. Everyone else nodded in agreement and they all walked off leaving Courtney and Scott behind.

* * *

The boxes were heavy. This was not helped by the fact that Chris would not allow them to use the lift. B, Owen, Tyler, Lindsay and Brick fell down the stairs (though Brick fell only because Izzy pushed him). Owen landed on top of Justin and flattened the poor model. Brick was crying obnoxiously and Eva had to carry him up the stairs and fire him down the stairwell so that he would get knocked out so she won't have to deal with his wailing.

Eventually, boxes are brought to the lobby where the tree was and where Courtney and Scott were still fighting. Eventually the fight ended when Courtney grabbed Scott and fired him out a window and into the lake where Fang was. Courtney was pretty pissed that everyone went to get the boxes without her help but she was willing to get on with the project anyway.

It was a very big tree that almost touched the ceiling. Therefore there were lots of decorations to go on the tree. How Chef managed to get the tree in the lobby was beyond everyone including Harold, Noah, Izzy and Dawn, but they all decided to blame it on cartoon logic.

First they had to put up the Christmas lights. The contestants were having difficulty untangling them.

"This is gonna take forever," Duncan moaned. "Why can't we just cut the knots?"

"Because then we'd end up breaking the lights, genius," Heather rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but I'd be done quicker," Duncan insisted.

"Duncan, you are the laziest prick I've ever come across in my life," Noah snarked.

Duncan glared furiously at Noah. "Says the guy who is doing nothing but sitting on his arse on the couch!" he spat.

"Sorry, but I prefer not to waste my energy on pointless activities," Noah replied. "They will be taken down in early January anyway."

"Well tough! Now get untangling!" Duncan tossed the Christmas lights to Noah.

"Great! Way to get the lights even more tangled," Jo jeered.

"Hey, it's not my fault Noah provoked me!" Duncan protested.

"Well those lights are going to be not much good to us anyway," Trent cut in. "We appear to be missing a bulb."

Cameron scratched his head. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"There are only eighty bulbs," Trent explained.

"That's pretty much what it says on the box," said Eva.

"Exactly," said Trent. "It should have eighty-**one** bulbs in order to please the Ninth God."

"I thought you liked nine," said a confused Katie.

"Eighty-one is equal to nine times nine," Trent responded. "Eighty-one is a very important number in the Number Nine Religion."

"I bet Followers of the Number Nine Religion only celebrate Christmas because there are nine letters in Christmas," Noah mused.

"Exactly!" said Trent. "This is why Noah should convert from Islam to the Number Nine Religion."

"Why?" Noah questioned Trent.

"Because there are nine pillars in the Number Nine Religion whereas Islam only has five," Trent stated, as if the answer was obvious.

"No thanks; I'm happy enough with the number five, thank you very much," Noah yawned.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Trent. "You blasphemous, nine-hating heretic! You shall experience the wrath of the Power of the Nine!" But before Trent could do anything to Noah, there was a loud slam and started the whole cast. Everyone turned to face Scott, who was crawling in through the front doors. His skin was pale blue from the cold outside and he had many bite marks and wet spots all over his body.

"Don't mind me, I'm fine!" he shouted, sarcastically. He glared over at Courtney. "I was forced to endure the elements of the frigid cold Canadian winter and I was mauled and touched inappropriately by Fang thanks to you ya little bitch!" he snarled.

"Well maybe if you hadn't kicked me in the first place none of this would've happened!" Courtney retorted.

"Done!" Zoey chirped. Everyone turned to look at her.

"You untangled the Christmas lights all by yourself?!" LeShawna was wide-eyed.

"How did you do that?" Beth gasped.

"Well… it's kinda cos I'm a Mary-Sue, heh-heh," Zoey awkwardly replied. "Sorry."

"Hmm, can you use your Mary-Sue-ness to put all the lights on the tree without any difficulty?" Noah wondered. Before Zoey could answer, Mike gasped and snatched the lights out of Zoey's hand.

"SVETLANA VILL DO IT! NOTHING'S ZIMPOSSIBLE VOR SVETLANA!" Svetlana chirped. She immediately proceeded to jump around the tree, effectively laying out the lights as they were supposed to be. Afterwards, Svetlana randomly swung over to Scott, grabbed him and threw him out the same window Courtney threw him out earlier.

"This is not going to end well for Scott," said DJ.

"Ah who cares?" Cody shrugged, looking up from his tablet where he was reading Christmas-themed fan fiction porn about Bridgette and Gwen. "The guy's the dick anyway."

Alejandro locked the front door. "Let's just not let him back in," he suggested. Only Duncan disagreed, but everyone was focusing on what to put on the tree next.

"I want to put up the angel!" said Brick, as he emerged from the cellar.

"I thought I knocked you out," a confused Eva glared.

"He regained his consciousness again because of cartoon logic," Harold corrected the fitness buff. "Curse your stupidity for not realising this fact which is fundamental to way things operate in this universe! IDIOT!"

"Excuse us," said Eva. She grabbed Harold and dragged him into the kitchen. She closed the door behind her on her way in.

"I want to put up the angel!" Brick repeated himself. Everyone looked at one another before selecting their answer.

"We were going to let Chris or Chef do that," Sam replied.

"But I want to do it!" Brick insisted. "And I want to do it now!"

"Brick, we have to put up all the other decorations," Sadie explained. "And there is only one angel to put up."

"I want to put it up!" Brick whined.

"We'll decide on that later," said Dakota.

"I want to do it **now**!" Brick was getting impatient.

So was everyone else.

"Well tough!" Blaineley scowled. "And just for that, you won't be putting up the angel!"

"I WANT TO PUT UP THE ANGEL!" screamed Brick.

"Now listen here you spoilt little brat!" Blaineley snarled at him. "You can't have everything you want! That's not how life works! Now shut the fuck up or I'll send Izzy after you!"

"YOU'RE SUCH A MEAN C***!" Brick hollered.

"That's it!" Blaineley has had enough. "IZZY!" Izzy leapt out of nowhere and pounced on Brick.

"C'mon Brick!" Izzy chirped. "Izzy's going to teach you gravity by using your body as a control and everything else as a constant!" Izzy ran off carrying a bawling Brick over her shoulder, cackling madly.

"Thank God we got rid of him," Heather sneered. "So what's left?"

"We have to put on the baubles, the ribbons, the tinsel, the stars, the ornaments, the robins and the candy canes…" Geoff paused. "Wait, who ate all the candy canes?" he asked.

Owen burped.

"OWEN!" Courtney snapped at him.

* * *

It was half eight in the evening by the time the tree was trimmed. There were many rows over where the decorations were to be placed or how many baubles or how much tinsel were needed (Trent wanted nine of everything). Chris and Chef entered the room to go check out the try. Eva, Izzy and Courtney returned with an injured Harold, Brick and Owen respectively. Scott was allowed back in. His skin was literally blue to a point where Lindsay thought he was Michael Jackson and asked him for an autograph three times. Scott ignored her because he was too busy focusing on plotting his revenge against Courtney and Mike.

"This is an awesome tree!" Chris smiled.

"It would be better if it was full of pictures and pictures of me!" Justin pouted.

"Justin, you are a vagina," Jo snickered at him.

"Yeah, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother invented vaginas," Staci fibbed. "Before that, women had to get inseminated and give birth through their anuses. How sad?"

"Yeah, I bet we all evolved from shit," Jo sneered.

"Yeah, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather invented evolution," Staci fibbed. "Before that-"

"Nobody cares!" Heather scoffed.

"Why else would I compulsively lie to you?" Staci rolled her eyes.

"Wait a minute," said Chef, narrowing his eyes, "where is the angel?"

"We decided that one of you should get to put it up and one of you should get to turn on the lights," said Dawn.

"You really expect us to put ourselves through this much work?" Chris demanded.

"Speak for yourself," Noah interjected.

"I WANT TO PUT UP THE ANGEL!" Brick shouted.

"Brick, you've said that twenty times already," LeShawna sighed. "Will you act yer age for just one minute?" she begged.

"I WANT TO PUT UP THE ANGEL!" Brick shouted even louder this time.

"Ugh, will you shut up already?!" Sierra groaned.

"I WANT TO PUT UP THE FUCKING ANGEL!" Brick bellowed, grabbing the angel from the coffee table and firing it at the tree. This prompted the tree to fall over. The landing prompted all of the decorations to fall off and get tangled in the Christmas lights.

"Aw, Goddamn it!" Cody sighed.

"Sha-way sha-to sha-go, sha-Brick," Lightning glared.

"Told ya we should've put up only nine of everything," Trent huffed.

"Shaddup, math man," Anne Maria muttered, spraying Trent with her canister ten times, much to Trent's chagrin.

"Ah well," Chris shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'll get the interns to make it perfect again during the night. Besides, I was actually counting on someone to go crazy and knock the tree over," he laughed.

"WHAT?!" Eva shrieked. "SO ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT WE'VE WENT THROUGH ALL THAT HARD LABOUR FOR NOTHING?!"

"Ayup!" Chris replied. "I had it all captured on CCTV footage. Think of all the hits these videos of you guys acting like clowns will get on YouTube!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Eva pointed at Chris. "BASTARD! NOW I'M GOING TO THROW SOMEONE OUT THE WINDOW!" Without warning, Eva grabbed Scott and threw him out the same window for the third time that day.

"NOT AGAIN!" Scott yelled as he fell into the lake where Fang was waiting for him.

"Aw, I still haven't got my autograph from Michael Jackson," Lindsay moaned.

"Michael Jackson is dead, Lindsay," Noah rolled his eyes.

"Oh my God, WE KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON!" Lindsay shrieked.

Everyone face-palmed.

"I think you guys should all go to bed so you won't keep the interns "entertained" while they are working," Chris sternly suggested.

"But what about Scott?" Duncan asked.

"I'm sure he's fine," Gwen yawned, stretching before standing up.

"I don't think so," said Duncan, but Gwen didn't care. Neither did anyone else. They all got up and headed towards their bedrooms, leaving Duncan alone in the lobby.

* * *

**After ages of not submitting a new story or one-shot, I've decided to start this one. I figured I was a little late getting into the spirit of Christmas by not publishing a Christmas fic until now. I can guarantee you though that this fic may ruin your Christmas because of all the nightmares you might be getting from reading this fic.**

**Until next time!**


	2. The Naughty List

**Here is the next chapter. I'm not sure if this is up to the standards of the previous chapter, but hopefully you'll enjoy it.**

* * *

The interns finally had the tree restored to what it was before Brick threw the angel at it. Of course, a lot of things have taken place while they were fixing up the tree. Why? Because they were at it for fours. It was five o'clock in the morning by the time they had the tree finished. The delays were caused by booby traps Chef laid out of the interns to walk into. To sum up the success/tragedy of how Chef set up the booby traps, ten interns volunteered – or were forced – to redecorate the tree. Seven of them were still alive.

Anyway, of the occurrences that went on that night, half of them involved Izzy breaking into people's rooms and sexually harassing them in their sleep. Other incidents involved Eva locking Brick in the attic and returning once every two hours to molest him; objects falling on Justin, prompting him to bawl; Courtney beating up Justin every time he cried so he'd shut up; Trent trying to preach his cult to Noah, Dawn and Cameron; Sierra collecting traces of Cody's happy liquids that he left on the toilet seat in his shower room while the latter is sleeping; DJ trying to convince Alejandro and Heather to abstain until they marry only for Alejandro and Heather do shift right in front of DJ, causing DJ to run out of the room screaming and crying; and a hungry Owen trying to chase Katie and Sadie all over the place.

When Katie, Sadie and Owen got to the kitchen, the backdoor got kicked open and in walked Duncan carrying a frozen, bruised-up Scott over his shoulder.

"What's going on?" Sadie asked.

"I wasn't going to let that bloody shark go Armin Meiwes on Scott now was I?!" Duncan panted, kicking the door shut.

"Aw, Duncan, you're so sweet," Katie chirped. "But not as sweet as Justin, though. He's hot!" she swooned. Duncan ignored them and ran to his room to warm Scott up and do other stuff with him. Katie and Sadie continued running from Owen until Owen ran into Anne Maria.

"Watch were ya goin' ya big lummox!" Anne Maria glared.

"Sorry," said Owen, sheepishly. "I'm just a little hungry. But I can't eat you. You're one half of my OTPs."

"Which one?" Anne Maria curiously asked. "Does it involve Vito? That guy has one bold personality," she swooned.

"No, it's LightMaria, silly," Owen corrected her.

"And what makes you think me and that dumbfuck jock who's head's so far up his ass would make a good couple?!" Anne Maria demanded.

"'Cause you guys are hot," Owen smiled.

"Gross! Keep yo sick fantasies to ya self, porn-glutton!" Anne Maria hissed, spraying Owen with her canister before storming back to her room in disgust.

* * *

The next morning there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Scott asked.

Duncan covered Scott's mouth and whispered: "Shut up! It could be Gwen. I haven't broken up with her yet. Just hide in the shower room and I'll be right back." Scott nodded and complied. Duncan went up to the door and answered it.

"Yeah?" Duncan asked.

"Duncan, I think we should break up," Gwen told him. "The relationship is not what it used to be back on the plane."

"Ah okay, bye," said Duncan, closing the door shut. Scott emerged from the shower-room.

"Damn, that was a close one," Duncan huffed, taking out some pot from his bedside locker.

Scott sat on the bed. "She took it very well," he commented.

Duncan sat down on Scott's lap. "Yeah, I dunno why, but I don't care. I never liked her nor Courtney. I only dated them just to screw with the fanbase." He proceeded to kiss Scott's forehead.

Meanwhile, Gwen knocked on another door.

Courtney answered it. "So how did it go?" she asked Gwen.

"He didn't really seem to care," Gwen shrugged. "I've always assumed he dated us only for the same reason we dated him. He sure sounded like it."

"At least the fanbase doesn't know I'm dating Chris and you're dating Noah," Courtney agreed. "We can't have our relationship statuses go to public until we can figure out a way to exploit it."

"Agreed," said Gwen. "Anyway, I must not be keeping Noah waiting. Talk to ya later."

"See ya Gwen," said Courtney, returning to her room. Gwen left for Noah's room. The sound of Chris saying "Ho-Ho-Ho" in a seductive tone from Courtney's room can be heard from right outside the door.

* * *

Dakota, Sam, Heather, Alejandro and Brick were standing in front of the Christmas tree.

"Aw, tree just like tree from yesterday," Dakota smiled.

"I WANTED TO PUT UP THE ANGEL!" Brick screamed again.

"Seriously, you were imprisoned in the attic and felt up all night courtesy of Eva and all you care about is the flippin' angel?" Heather rolled her eyes.

"Yes!" Brick stubbornly replied.

"Sometimes I wonder how you managed to get enlisted into the army," Heather sneered. "Was the military short on volunteers when you joined?"

"Maybe they needed Brick for a human shield experiment, chica," Alejandro smirked.

"Well I like the tree," Sam smiled. "I like it just as much as **my** Christmas tree up in my room."

"You have your own tree?" Alejandro asked.

"Yeah," said Sam. "It's a smaller version of this one, except it's read and the baubles and tinsel and stuff are themed after _Mario_, _Halo_, _Grant Theft Auto_ and _Call of Duty_. Dakota also has her own tree which is pink and has _Angry Birds_ and _Candy Crush_ themed-decorations."

"Please," Heather rolled her eyes. "You guys could be playing way better games than that. Alejandro and I play _Saints Row_, _Assassin's Creed_. _Metal Gear_ and _Just Cause 2_."

"Aw, _Saints Row_ is more disgusting than GTA," Sam cringed. "Even I would never play that."

"Admit it; you two are just casual games compared to true hard-core gamers like us," Alejandro boasted.

Dakota's face went red with anger. "YOU NEVER CALL DAKOTA'S SAM CASUAL GAMER!" she roared, causing Alejandro and Heather to flinch and Sam to blow a raspberry at the couple.

"I WANNA PUT UP THE ANGEL!" Brick whined.

"We'll take it back if you help us shut him up for the rest of the day," Heather proposed. Dakota nodded and smacked Brick.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Brick wailed and ran off to his room.

"Thank God," Alejandro muttered. "And we're sorry. We'll have to respect to that other people have their own preferences for games," he added.

"Thanks," said Sam. The four went back to admiring the tree.

* * *

Bridgette and Geoff were having sex while checking their emails on their tablets.

"Hey look," said Bridgette, pulling away and pointing to her tablet. "Chris wants us all to be a secret Santa this year."

"Does that mean I can only buy three presents?" Geoff asked. "One for who I have to give a present to, one for you and one for me?"

"Looks like it," said Bridgette.

"Okay," said Geoff. Then they went back to shifting.

* * *

**Well those were quite a few shots that are mostly unrelated to Christmas, but these things can happen around Christmas time, right? The twisted occurrences don't die down over the holiday season.**

**Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes _Saints Row_ is sick. A friend of mine showed it to me on his laptop and it is far more twisted than _Grand Theft Auto_. I reckon some of you are now more likely to consider buying it after reading my fic.**

**Until next time!**


	3. Xmas Shopping Disaster

**I kinda rushed when I was typing this thing up. I hope you guys enjoy it even though it may not be as good as the previous chapters. It is certainly shorter than I would want it to be, though.**

* * *

The next day Chef kidnapped everyone and stuffed them into the back of his truck. He drove them off to the nearest shopping centre and left them off there outside the mall. The former contestants emerged from the heap Chef left them in and stood up.

"Okay, so everyone knows who they are buying their presents for?" asked Bridgette.

"Hey?! Who made you the boss?!" Scott demanded. Bridgette kicked him in the nuts and said:

"I'll take it as a yes."

And so everyone went into the shopping centre. Duncan was pissed off at Bridgette for kicking his boyfriend in the balls.

The day went by quickly. The cast seemed to know exactly what to get for who they were assigned to give their present to. Well, most of them, anyway. Lindsay just went into Toys "R" Us and bought a big pink teddy bear. Harold went into the bookstore and bought a dictionary. Trent went into nine stores and bought nine products in each store.

Lightning went into a shop selling mobile phones. He looked at the phones on display and tried them out. But none of them worked; they were only there for display anyway. But Lightning thought they were all broken, so he ignored those phones. Suddenly, he noticed a phone lying on the floor. Lightning bent down and picked it up. To his amazement, it worked. So Lightning went to the counter and said:

"Sha-Lightning wants to sha-buy this sha-cell," said Lightning. The woman behind the counter looked at the phone closely. She noticed that it was a very old flip-top fashion phone from 2004 and said:

"That's a very old phone. They don't make these anymore. We stopped selling these phones in 2007."

"But sha-Lightning wants this phone!" Lightning insisted. "It looks very sha-futuristic to sha-Lightning."

"That phone isn't a smartphone," the woman told him. "It doesn't even have a music player or 3G."

"Hey, I kinda dropped an old-fashioned flip-top phone," said a creepy-looking dude that looked like he was in his 30's. He noticed the phone in Lightning's hand.

"Hey! That's mine!" the man shouted.

"Nu-uh! It's Lightning's! Sha-LIGHTNING!" And so Lightning ran out of the store before anyone could stop him.

"NOOOOOOOO!" the man wailed. "I WENT THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF STEALING THIS PHONE OFF OF ANOTHER GUY BACK IN 2008! AND IT WAS PINK! IT ALSO HAS PICTURES OF MY FAVOURITE BAND ONE DIRECTION IN IT! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Get out!" the woman rolled her eyes.

Lightning until he found a bench to sit. He was excited that he got what he was looking for.

"A new phone for sha-Lightning!" Lightning boasted.

Then the phone went out of battery.

"Sha-Aw," Lightning sighed. Then he threw the phone in the bin, curled himself up into a ball and cried.

"Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" wailed Lightning.

* * *

Owen was in the supermarket. After having bought a present already, the big loveable oaf decided he has earned himself a treat. And by treat, I mean eating every food in the store. He even ate a few shoppers while he was at it.

DJ and Brick wanted to go see Santa. They had already bought their presents and they asked an annoyed Dawn and Noah to mind their stuff as they visited Santa Claus, who was visiting the mall. DJ and Brick lined up and waited several hours. While they were at it, Noah said to Dawn:

"This is pointless. These two are eighteen-year-old men."

"They weren't informed, Noah," Dawn replied. "DJ's Momma can only handle DJ's sobbing so much, and Brick… he mustn't know the truth."

As she said that, Brick and DJ were next in line to sit on Santa's lap. They wanted to sit on him at the same time. But just as they got comfortable on Santa's lap, Izzy jumped from the ceiling and landed on DJ.

"Ha, ha! Izzy's noticed that you two are having an orgy with a strange, twenty-five-year-old bald dude in a Coca-Cola suit! Count Izzy in!" Izzy chirped. She proceeded to bag all three in a sack and drag them into the men's toilets to shift all three of them.

"And hence why their parents should have gotten it out of the way when they are twelve," Noah rolled his eyes. "Poor Christians; having to share their holiday with a time of the year when a freaky old dude breaks into people's houses."

"Well the tradition of gift-giving came from Saint Nicholas, a Christian saint," said Dawn.

"Yeah, but the people who came up with the jolly, big, immortal creeper were obviously not Christians," said Noah. "They were Capitalists. If Capitalism counts as a religion, that is."

Dawn giggles. "I can tell from your aura that you will be a very funny doctor."

"People actually laugh at my insults?" Noah's ears pricked up. "Huh. No wonder I have so many fans despite being so grumpy."

All of a sudden, Owen ran out of the supermarket roaring like a maniac. He literally ate everything in the store. Including shelves, inedible products such as detergents and people. Despite this, he was still hungry.

"And I wonder how **he** has so many fans," Noah rolled his eyes. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Chef was super pissed because he was forced to pick up the young adults earlier than he had planned. DJ and Brick were crying because Izzy molested them and Harold called them idiots for believing in Santa. Owen puked everything out and he was banned from returning to the mall (assuming the mall was allowed to re-open). The RCMP had to intervene in order for Owen to be apprehended. Thirty-five people died that day; all of them coincidentally being mortal sinners and now spending an eternity in Hell. Trent was also banned from the mall for stabbing nine people nine times each.

Eventually, all of the presents were wrapped and Chef hid them away in case Brick, Chris, Duncan, Ezekiel, Harold, Izzy, Mal, Owen, Scott, Staci or Trent were to steal of them (and eat them in Owen's case, use then as weapons of mass destruction in Izzy's case and steal nine of them in Trent's).

Christmas morning was less than 48 hours away.

* * *

**That wasn't a great chapter. Not much Psycho Trent. Not much OOC Harold. Not much Psycho Brick. No Ezekiel whatsoever. And very limited dialogue. Though I can promise you, the next chapter will be much longer. You'll see why when it is published. I hope you all have a good Christmas!  
**

**Until next time!**


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